my california life

nothing changes
i dont need saving
i can handle the things i bring upon myself
like the cars i crash
it just feels like i'm
going
fast
and i can't slow down

the semi-truck that crashed into me. the reason i got anx pills and shakes. the money spent. the insurance calls. the tape recorders. the pictures. the paper conversations. the interviews. the questions.
all my fault .
i realized in my dreams last night that i need someone to hit me, yell, get angry so that i can be
truly over it.
i don't think that's destructive,
i think it's guts to confront me with the truth.
i don't need kindness.
sometimes nice, just doesn't cut it.
brutal violent speech, vulgar bitter truth
i should have not been driving.
it's what i want.