Life and Love and Le Cafe

life is too good to be bitter over petty things



but it's okay to be cynical, angry, aggressive, sad, tired, drunk, asleep, and happy

photo: ffffound

the image of today

i hate valentine's day commercials, photography says so much more.

image: ffffound

from le love

on one of my crazy "find myself" meditation rituals, usually consisting of drinks and upside down views, i realized valentine's day and st. patrick's day are my favorite days. the end.

so i'm counting down for Saturday Feb. 14 2009, when i will make love cupcakes for myself. oh, until then i will go in search of my favorite love images.

from: le love blog

Matt and Kim

there was no crowd surfing for me, i did other things instead, yeah like danced.
the atmosphere was it, i loved it. Number of bruises from the show- only four! some guy got his glasses broken, and hello but was everyone in the front buzzed, i did not expect it so many happy people, but thank you because it was definitely a good night.




Oh, no matt wasn't wearing his safety goggles, oh well. I sweated like crazy, it was .. yeah , i love matt and kim.

photo credits: Matt and Kim Myspace comment 2/8/09

glimpse of the happy

this are signs of life:

If night comes before we reach our destination,
no worries, we have the flashlights and fireflies.
_

when i fall into like. i look at his hands.
_

Eden did not sink to grief
i know the eternal gold and it last far more than an hour.
_

“Will you hold my hand? Promise me that wherever I go, I’ll feel your warmth there with me”

(he hands her his cigarette)

_

i need to forget, but I want to remember.
The battle over incidents to savor or erase is the cause of my restless nights.
Yes, the window shall remain open, I want the sunrise to warm the numbness that has reached my mind and heart.
_

when you know you can't look and your mind prevents your eyes from wandering up to catch just one sight... but something else says that it is only one glance. and you look; it feels scary but good.

_

i can get sober. because i am not the traditional drinker.

_

boys with long hair make me blush.

even though i get a nothing response

i still blush

and i runaway

the way i ran

in eighth grade

i think i found another grocery store acquaintance.

life needs a little red in its cheeks.

_

I thought you said you didn’t have cigarettes. What’s with the pack?

Open it…. See only seashells and gum. I threw away the ciggys and have been using the pack as a coin purse.

But there are no coins

_

I carved our names in your guitar

Why?

I don’t know… I didn’t want to carve them in a tree. Your guitar was just there.

_

Sunday morning, I read the newspaper, and I sigh

I let out air and I know that my lungs haven’t collapsed

_

Picasso paintings fill my books

I read.

And I eat

lobster on plastic plates

and I drink

red wine with seven up

_____________

"things are good. we should take a Polaroid... " -the Good Life

my california life

nothing changes
i dont need saving
i can handle the things i bring upon myself
like the cars i crash
it just feels like i'm
going
fast
and i can't slow down

the semi-truck that crashed into me. the reason i got anx pills and shakes. the money spent. the insurance calls. the tape recorders. the pictures. the paper conversations. the interviews. the questions.
all my fault .
i realized in my dreams last night that i need someone to hit me, yell, get angry so that i can be
truly over it.
i don't think that's destructive,
i think it's guts to confront me with the truth.
i don't need kindness.
sometimes nice, just doesn't cut it.
brutal violent speech, vulgar bitter truth
i should have not been driving.
it's what i want.

a picasso ideal .. . continued..

SETTING- New York City dock on Little West 12th street. Black sky, time is around 2AM. No snow, but cold. Lighted factory buildings and houses seen across the water, its New Jersey. Dock it relatively abandoned, except for the occasional boats but for it being New York City it’s relatively calm.

COLE interrupts ELLE’s oblivious state, she is seated on the dock with her feet hanging over the water, her stare is concentrated on a cigar case. He stands overlooking her fragile figure as the cold air declares its war

COLE
You came here without me?

ELLE
(defensive, but distant)
I want to be alone… leave

COLE
I knew you’d be here; the corner of the world for the insomniacs

ELLE
Not now … please… leave me here

COLE
(Assertive)
No, I want to stay with you

ELLE
I don’t want to hurt you

He nears her gently; he sits by her side on the dock his feet also dangle over the water next to hers

COLE
… You’re not her

ELLE
Not, yet… I read on this family picture frame how “family is the essence that helps define our very identity” … Cole, (pause, tone is softened) I don’t even wake up to myself in the mirror anymore

COLE
People don’t become monsters in their sleep

ELLE
You’re right, they’re born with the plague. (with strength in voice)

Demons give birth to demons. It dwells in their skin; in my skin… gathering power to overcome and invade my face.

(pause; tone weakens again)

Today, I stared in the mirror at its malevolence, as it tried to overlap onto my face and erase my identity. My mother’s face appeared in place of my own, her nose and cheekbones were already pasted onto my reflection, I saw her lean figure outlining my own, (pause; worried tone) she’s gaining force

COLE
No, Mirrors are the demons; they trap the vain in their egos and the weak in their self-consciousness; they lie, the way you lie to yourself only they call your lies avoidance

ELLE
(Defensive)
I’m not an avoider

COLE
You hide in your ideals and dreams, you hide from reality. That’s avoidance

ELLE
(soft tone)

Don’t you have ideals?

Elle unknowingly lets one of her hands rest from the grip she has on the cigar case. She places it in between her and Cole, letting it rest vulnerably in the cold

COLE
I have philosophies

ELLE
Philosophies don’t give me peace; Ideals keep me safe from it all; keeps me believing that there is something more then cold nights spent in fear. That it exists.

COLE
That what exists?

{too be continued}

the things i write

there are
things
i write
when i am
gone
from

undo the
thing i
do

that
four
or five
-

shoot

another

i can take it

gone

i drank water

i hydrated
before i began

lemon is yellow
lime is green

start no
i can do it alone

another

now i sleep

The difference is why you drink

Le Grand Content

my friend Achlee sent this to me a while back, and i absolutely
find it hilarious.
enjoy.

this is a shout out to the Achlee

The Civil War

The Civil War
Again

i remember traveling on bus for one hour with Denise, to go see this.
I bought a map of the battle grounds and took pictures.
i want to go again.
two thousand and six
seems so long ago
sometimes i wish i could redo things,
not to change them
but because
i just want to do it again.

Music of the Day

a song i like
i get to see Matt and Kim live @ the loft
(i especially like Matt when he wears his safety goggles)

question of the day

would you like to maybe,

with me,
hide in the closet
eat ice cream
in dark
listen to bobby d

buy matching flasks

Bring your harmonica
sit with me
on the bridge
and watch commercial boats pass?

photo: gerhard-richter