of a river

my nails are chipped, because
i went cave mining by
the river,
was panning for gold
my hands pruned;
the cave made sound

then i knew that it
knew; knew
the way things went

caves repeat back old
nights ago, sometime ago;
it threw back cries

chanted my snapshots
of a thing that had
passed;

an audio album of:
a baby,

i threw a baby, in its river

rivers get cold
when naked babies fall into stream,
you hear screams

and the baby before it drowns,
shivers

i cannot birth in river waves
my rebirth is
small bodied death

stop hissing river water;
it, things get baptized at death
me, i was baptized at birth

forgive me river gods
i'm trying to find gold in holy water

keep the scandal down
back to cave mining
back to river panning